Wednesday, October 27, 2010

something I have to forgive someone else for ..............

There have been some very bad things happen to me in my life, disgusting, cruel, torturous things and those that have done them to me I shall never forgive them for. They will receive their punishment for the things they did. ( nuff said on that).

But someone I can forgive and should forgive, would be my birth mother. She was young when I was born. Not the most educated girl in the world. I know it was not her intention to give me up for adoption. She found herself without her boyfriend at the time and had just had another baby that her boyfriend did not believe was his, and they had broken up.

Being left with 2 small children literally 11 months apart in age. She looked into the adoption option. She was only suppose to be giving up the newborn according to the stories I have been told by her and by the birth father. I guess, once she was there, the workers had her convinced that a young girl would be best to let both babies go and get on with her life and give them a good home.

One would think I would I feel I need to forgive her for doing what she obviously thought was right at the time? Well, she did not know I would go to a home where there would be horrible abuse all the time. So , no that is not her fault.

I came to learn however, that she gave up two babies to give them a better life and to be able to move on with hers , only to turn around and literally get pregnant almost immediately again.

That has always been a very hard pill for me to swallow. I was just days after my first birthday she gave me away. Instead of just keeping me you turn around and get pregnant again and have another girl who you kept!!!

I have been angry at her selfishness for a long time, I have been upset with her disregard for her babies she gave up. I never had the heart or inclination to let her know what horrible life her choice back then put me in. I am not going to let myself be a cruel person to her because people were cruel to me.

But I need to forgive her because she was only young, and she would never have known such things could happen. And no she shouldn't have turned around and gotten pregnant again but she was a person too and probably hurting and missing her babies and it was just what happened.

Life is hard, her life has been hard my life has been hard. Yes, I was hurt and lost a lot because of her choices but she missed out on a lot too even if she doesn't care or doesn't realize it.

I need to forgive her for the choices she made.
I need to remember she made the best choices she could with what she knew and who she was.


WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

I don't know how I would feel in this circumstance. I am sure I would not be very forgiving. Wish you have been cherished as a child growing up!

Just Me said...

It's been a real struggle.