Again, much in my past is far to painful to write here or anywhere. Those people know who they are and what they did to make my life a living hell and to kill who I "was" and leave me who I "am".
In my every day life now over the last few years there has been one person who I feel has treated me very unfairly and yeah, I guess like shit.
My birth sister, has repeatedly and even feels deliberately treated me harshly and with little regard for my feelings around any subject or situation.
I have tried numerous times to reach out to her, to explain my feelings , to try to find a balance a common ground , some sort of starting place.
I have been willing to do the hard work to develop some sort of relationship with her but she has always closed the door , well, slammed it is more the way it felt.
We all have problems, I do , she does, I am willing to accept I am not always right and I am far from perfect. But I have feelings too and this is something she never seemed to care about.
It has been over 20 years since first reuniting with her and in 20 years she seems to have grown meaner and even more self centered.
I have read comments from her how she doesn't get to know her nephews or be part of their life.
Well, if she won't accept me I am not sharing my family. Also, my boys have grown up knowing as much information as I could of who is who of their biological family.
They haven't been too impressed at how she has treated me over the years, or seeing how much she has made me cry over the years.
They understand how much a relationship with her meant to me and know how sad it has made me all these years not to be allowed by her to work on one.
It obviously still bothers me to this day, I am slowly accepting that after 20 years obviously this will never be.
I think both our lives would have been better having had each other in it even if that meant some struggles or disagreements. She never took the time to get to know me.
Or maybe I told her too much of things that happened to me and she judged me on those who knows.
But yes, she is the one that I can honestly and truly say , has treated me like shit. The worst part has been knowing that she chooses to treat me like shit, to hurt me , to say mean things, to make the choice to make me sad.
I won't ever understand this.